Mormon in Remission sing-a-long

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  Life happens.

Happily, I’ve completed another hymn from the children’s songbook.  The original is a beautiful example of how to commit young children to serve missions for the church via sing-songy mind training before they even realize what just happened.  I suppose it’s only right I turn it back on itself.

The original, or a reasonable facsimile, can be found here or by searching Google for “lds children’s song I hope they call me on a mission”.

Hope you like it.

~~~ Children’s Hymn #169~~~   I Am a Mormon in Remission

I am a mormon in remission,
I finally found out the whole truth
And all the things they never taught me.
I’m just glad I found out while I am in my youth.

All kinds of things the church has hidden
And things past prophets lied about…
Like, Joseph couldn’t read Egyptian
And teenage wives that call his character in doubt.

From Kinderhook to plural marriage
And teaching God was Adam too;
The blacks that couldn’t hold the priesthood
Because it just turns out that God is racist too.

Some things, I looked up using Google
And books produced by mormon dudes;
So, if you like Masonic handshakes,
Then I think it’s the right religion for you.

So, now, I’m preaching to the choir.
The truth is now so clear to me.
I’ll try to shine a light in darkness
On inconvenient truths for those who still believe.

Hymns Without Hypocrisy


Being born and raised in the church, some things stay in the brain a lot longer than one may realize.  Once in a while, without even thinking about it, I would find myself humming some of the melodies from hymns I’ve sung over and over the past decades.  I miss them sometimes.  Even though some are ponderous and heavy, some of my good memories in the church are of singing harmonies in counterpart to the more beautiful ones.

It’s the words that always catch me like a sudden jolt of reality hitting me when the lyrics run through my head… “Wait, that’s not true at all…. This hymn is just a propaganda piece…”

I set down one day to see if I could put more truthful lyrics down to keep those beautiful tunes from offending sensibility and the results have been a most interesting therapy.  Some may find the parody offensive…which is just fine.  Mormons are supposed to be insulated from being offended so I will allow them the opportunity to get over it themselves.  I have enjoyed writing them and I hope you do too.

I’ll post them occasionally to lighten up the heavier course of some of my posts.  One has to keep a sense of humor…

If your not familiar with this hymn, the original can be found here.
Some context and background can be researched here.

Or you can Google, “Fanny Alger” and ride the rabbit hole down.


~~~ Hymn #026~~~   Joseph Smith’s First Wife

Oh how lovely was her bosom –
Fairer far than his first wife.
Joseph’s winsome teenage housemaid
Caught his eye and Emma’s strife.
And confirming her suspicions,
Emma spied them in the barn.
In the guilty light of his betrayal,
Joseph had to spin a clever yarn.

“Emma, this is my beloved.
This commandment comes from God.”
Yet her anger still was kindled
For she saw through his facade.
“Emma, this is plural marriage.
God will surely be annoyed.
If you don’t receive her gladly,
You will have to be destroyed.”

Emma saw he would not waver
And she only could comply.
She let Joseph win that battle,
But he wasn’t satisfied.
For he sought out many women –
Even siblings and their moms –
Even wives of men out on their missions.
All were patsies in his latest con.

Some he pressured into ‘marriage’
Claiming angel’s threats and swords;
That their own entire family’s
Exaltation was in store.
Oh, how can a God of peace and love
To his daughters be so cruel
As to turn them into slaves and objects
For the whims of such a selfish fool.

Happy humming!

Key Lie Pie

Not to beat a dead horse, but I think I’ll be stuck with writer’s block until I get clear of the main point in my last post: —–Can a prophet lie?—–

I think the leaders of the mormon church have laid the cornerstone of their own graves by defining it for themselves:

  • Many will teach false doctrine, saying: lie a little and there is no harm in it  2 Ne. 28:8–9; (D&C 10:25; )
  • “Elder Gordon B. Hinckley preached against the widespread and fashionable dishonesty that threatens governments, institutions, and our personal dignity. His talk was titled “An Honest Man— God’s Noblest Work” (see Ensign, May 1976, p. 60). Satan is the great deceiver and the father of lies, but he will also tell the truth when it suits his purposes. Satan’s most effective lies are half-truths or lies accompanied by truth. A lie is most effective when it can travel incognito in good company or when it can be so intermarried with the truth that we cannot determine its lineage.”  Dallin Oaks : 9/12/1993
  • “Complete honesty is necessary for our salvation…People use many excuses for being dishonest. People lie to protect themselves and to have others think well of them.    Gospel Principles ch 31
  • “Let every man’s life be so that his character will bear the closest inspection, and that it may be seen as an open book, so that he will have nothing to shrink from or be ashamed of” (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 252)
  • “We can also be guilty of bearing false witness and lying if we say nothing, particularly if we allow another to reach a wrong conclusion while we hold back information that would have led to a more accurate perception.”   Ensign 10/1994

Something that seems to be disappearing from the vernacular of the church has been the concept of ‘lies of omission’ and similar phrases that imply that the withholding of salient truth is, in fact, a lie.  This is odd since, during my upbringing in the church, I heard that expression in talks, priesthood lessons and interviews, and classes.  However, if you go to and search for anything about lies of omission, you only seem to get results for sins of omission.

As I’m finding, the leaders of the church have been lying by omission AND by commission.  Each new generation of self-titled apostles and prophets have the interesting job or re-vamping and covering the past.  Unfortunately, the age of data is upon us and the lies are being exposed from the rooftops.

In the fireside talk by Oaks (linked above), he creates an odd scarecrow argument when he contorts himself through the gyrations of explaining away the “lying for the Lord” issue by making it sound like the issue only really revolved around the polygamy issue and that of course a person would be stuck in a moral dilemma of betraying a friend or helping to condemn a husband to jail.  The real issues are:

  1. Did the authorities of the early church (and Joseph Smith in particular) lie about polygamy in order to manipulate public opinion, hide it from prospective members, and/or to avoid legal issues?  Note: polygamy was never legal in any state it was practiced in even from its inception.
  2. Did Joseph Smith lie about polygamy as a law of God in order to cover up the stain of his affair with his teenage housemaid, Fanny Alger?
  3. Did Joseph Smith attempt to cover the lies by ordering the destruction of a printing press office that was about to publish the first-hand accounts of how prevalent polygamy was in the church and, specifically, that Joseph Smith was a polygamist?

Some lies are debatable, but some are so glaring.  Following here are a summary of the Key Lies that opened my eyes to how bad the issue is even today.  For more examples, just examine some of the ways mormons try to explain around the issues in the comments sections of the videos linked below.

<<<<<<<<<VIDEO TIME>>>>>>>>>>

FlackerMan produced a video here that is the best examination I’ve found yet on how lying in the church continues to this day.

Officials of the church dissembling about Joseph Smith having teenage wives by claiming that it was a societal norm at that time.  Actual census data shows otherwise clearly showing that most of what you hear is current leadership making this up as they go along.

Hinkley lying and dancing around the issue of blacks and the priesthood.

A fantastic multi-part presentation regarding first-hand experience with “Lying for the Lord” can be found here.

Also, please take a few minutes with Analyzing a Mormon Apologist.

What a tangled web they have woven.  Say what you will to explain the past.  Ignore the present if you need to.  Anyone who stays in the church will have to do so eventually against their better judgement or by willful ignorance that the leaders of the church have always and continue to lie, dissemble, prevaricate, tell half-truths, double-down, and misdirect all while expecting obedience and faith in their every word.

I wonder what the future leaders will be tasked with re-writing?

Edit (2015-10-21):  Hi! Had to add this great (and short) post at ExploringMormonism re the ever growing list of the lies. Big thank you to all those out there keeping the conversation alive.         Mmmm.  Key Lie Pie.

Were we lied to by church leaders?